I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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