Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
