I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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