i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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