So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
