you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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