Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
