I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
