someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
