did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
