Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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