perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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