Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
