he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
