He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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