I think I am morally bankrupt
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
