Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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