I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
