I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
