So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
