i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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