y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
