very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
