I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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