that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
