I just cut my nipple shaving
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize