I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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