FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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