I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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