Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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