Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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