I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize