I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
