How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
