I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
