I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
