i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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