i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
