I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
