he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
