Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
