Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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