Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
