I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
