i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
