I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
