Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
