I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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