I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Randomize
