Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
