sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Edward fifth and chaser hands
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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