ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
