honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He passed out mid-signature
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
