I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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