i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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