She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
