He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
