Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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