All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize