Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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