the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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