Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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