I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
