I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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